Bamboozled

I cannot believe that this has happened! As a leader, I focus on ending disruptive behavior. My motto is, "What you permit, you promote".... I preach it, I teach it, I continually repeat it, and I give suggestions on how to address it. It is what I do. And guess what ?- I spent a few months recently putting it up with it! WTH!!

I have spent the last few years working as an interim healthcare leader. Overall, it has been an incredibly positive experience. I have met so many amazing people and have had the opportunity to live in so many amazing places, I have taken assignments in Texas (my home), in the California Wine Country, as well as other great areas of the U.S. As an interim, because I am a "guest", a temporary employee, I go above and beyond to be respectful and considerate of whatever culture I fall into. There are always "glitches" and nothing is perfect, but I guess I had been treated so well so often that when it happened, I was a little blindsided.

It started somewhat subtle. So subtle that I even thought to myself that I was being a little overly sensitive. Crazy how I was so willing to dismiss my incivility radar for the sake of peace. In this facility, it was obvious there were "culture" opportunities based not only on the data, but on a few conversations with staff. I shared my thoughts with the leadership team, not in a OMG, you have a problem way, but in a, there might be an opportunity to address some behavioral issues that have hindered some of our goals way. I shared that I had spent almost five years researching incivility and would be more than willing to share what I had learned. Apparently, there was no need for me to share because the very person I discussed this with presented information about incivility at our next leadership meeting, even using my favorite slogan - "What you permit you promote". I thought it was odd that it was presented as an original thought, but I moved on.

The next thing I noticed (and my team shared with me) was that more than once when I was on my travel day (remember, I am an interim and fly home every other week), that an emergent staffing meeting was called where Uncivil would try and provide unsolicited and unnecessary guidance to my team. **Note, I take my assignments to heart and so even on my travel days, I do check in, every single one of my direct reports has my cell, and we text frequently. I thought, strange, I would NEVER (unless it was an emergency), pull together another leader's team and have a meeting. But I moved on!

The challenge with the uncivil, the abhorrent, the rude, is... they continue, which is exactly what happened. I have the luxury of a lenient dress code. Some days, business professional, some days, business casual, and some days, scrubs and a lab coat. I love lab coats! I have invested in my mine. I get them embroidered with my name and credentials on one side and an EKG with a heart on the opposite side. Not overly fancy or any different from what many healthcare leaders wear.

It was a lab coat casual day, and that is when it happened... when it was confirmed that I wasn't being overly reactive, that I wasn't actually being overly sensitive, but that I was dealing with an uncivil leader, who under the guise of being pragmatic, made negative comments, not only about my lab coat, but about my education (doctoral degree). This is how it went - I was in MY office minding MY own business and working. A colleague who I actually thought was quite wonderful stopped by to visit. We were engaged in a work discussion and I was pretty relaxed. And then it happened... Uncivil showed up at my door and for who knows what reason, because it had zero to do with my conversation with my friendly colleague, asked me what my degree was in. When I said nursing leadership, the response was, "Is that even a real degree and is it even academic?" The conversation continued in which my lab coat (clearly an annoyance) became a topic. Uncivil stated that only in healthcare do we feel the need to put our credentials out for others to see. I did state, that if I was correct, NASA is pretty transparent with the educational credentials of their engineers and their astronauts (I am from Houston, I know NASA), as are CPAs, Architects, etc.

Not to be outdone, Uncivil commented that I couldn't compare my (apparent weak) DNP to the skill sets of NASA. I actually got sucked into the vortex of the crazy and started trying to defend my credentials and my education and the validity of a DNP in Nursing Leadership. I was full-on sucked in. At some point, Uncivil was satisfied that the point had been made and walked away. I left for another meeting and then later shared with a colleague how rude Uncivil was, and it was at this point that I realized, SELF... you are being treated with incivility. That is when I made the decision that moving forward I would use some of the very same phrases I encourage my teams and staff members to use when faced with incivility.

Those phrases include:

• Is it your intent to be uncivil and rude or do you not realize that you are coming across like that?

• Do you know I would help you even if you weren't being rude?

• How does your behavior align with our code of conduct?

• Do you feel good at the end of the day when you treat people in this manner?

• I feel like you are intentionally being rude, am I wrong?

• Did you really mean to speak to me like that?

I did use some key phrases, I did give a few examples, and guess what? Uncivil was no more special than most others who exhibit incivility. There was denial, there was, "I think you are overreacting", there was, "I didn't mean it like that".... and then, for the most part, it stopped. Was I satisfied? Too old and Uncivil was not high enough on my list of people/things to focus on to let it bother me too much. I actually felt sad for Uncivil, but more so for the team reporting to Uncivil, and even more so for the family living with Uncivil. That assignment was months ago - I have moved on - but this much I know... Uncivil did not change - Uncivil just found new victims.

The take away... As leaders, we have to continue to be vigilant. We have to continue to provide tools and resources for our teams and our staff so that they are not forced to live in their work life with incivility and disruptive behaviors. The fact that it could happen to me, a 30 year nurse, a 20 year nurse leader with some level of power attached to my title, and with the education, experience, and tools to address it, means it is only so much more of a problem for our staff.

It is our job as health care leaders to every single day build into our culture a Zero Tolerance for Incivility mantra. It is our job to empower our staff to feel safe knowing they can push back against incivility. It is our job to EndIT!!! #HowDidILetItHappen, #WeMustDoBetter, #EndIncivilityToday!