Incivility That is “Up the Chain”

People don’t quit jobs – they quit bad leadership – or so they say. The problem is that the “bad leadership” leaders don’t always “get” that they are bad leaders. Bad leaders explain away every resignation/termination as a win, when in reality, that is not always the truth.

With 25 plus years in healthcare, I have had my own share of “Can You Believe” stories related to terrible leaders that I reported to, as well as many “Can You Believe” stories related to peer leaders. I have also had countless people reach out and share their leadership “bad boss” stories. Some asking for help, some just sharing their misery.

The question is – What to you do when your boss is the one that displays incivility? What do you do when your boss is the uncivil/the bully? What do you do when no one cares that your boss is a bully?

I wish there was single workable solution - I wish there was a quick-fix easy answer – But…that is not the case. Your only hope for things to get better is IF and only IF the one-up leader has no idea about what is happening, with the caveat that the one up leader is truly a leader.

Beyond that, the best solution available is to tolerate it in the short-term and polish up your resume! The only other option is to wait it out until this person leaves (either by promotion or termination)...

Recently, one of my all-time favorite #newbie leaders reached out – She is a natural – While working for me, with minimal guidance, she knocked it out of the park it terms of patient/employee engagement as well as significant success in achieving her dashboard goals. The bonus was, she was a pleasure to work with. She told me that she had received “verbal counseling” from her new boss, merely for questioning a process. She asked me what she should do. I told her to reach out to the next wrung in the chain-of-command. Luckily for her, this layer of leadership had no idea what had happened and “they” are now working on resolution. But everyone is not that lucky.

Below are behaviors I have personally witnessed – some directed towards me – some observed:

A leader was terminating an employee. No actual reason, other than the easy out… “You are not a fit!” At this point, the leader had all the power in the world. But obviously, that was not enough to fulfill her unhealed soul. Her next statement, ranking as one of the most inept/cruel statements I have ever heard… “You are so insignificant that even if your team saw you packing up your car, no one would bother to come and say bye to you.” All I could think was – WHO SAYS THIS TO ANYONE much less someone who has just been fired for “not being a fit??!” There is honesty and then there is unhealed childhood/mean person cruelty. A more appropriate response would have been…”You are not a fit for us, however, here is what you might consider working on, here are the positives you brought to our team, and I wish you well! I am still embarrassed that I was a witness to this conversation. Moral - bad leaders just don't get how bad they are!

I worked with a leader once who had a “clique”, her untouchable team. They, the untouchables, enjoyed their position in this exclusive group. Anytime there was a meeting, this leader would pre-meet with her clique to ensure that they were all on the same page…even if what they were supporting was not beneficial to the patients or to the organization. This was an organization that on the regular struggled with every single dashboard measure. This leader referred to all newly hired mid-management as “outsiders” and she despised them. Her clique would undermine new leaders and report them for their lack of commitment. Needless to say, there was a continual turnover of newly hired managers and low quality scores for this whole team! This leader was eventually fired, but not before numerous legit leaders “left” the organization. Moral – good leaders “leave”, #GetFired after enduring cruel incivility!

I worked with a leader once, a director in a 1000+ bed hospital. Her BFF was a manager who reported to another director. This leader taught her BFF manager friend how to manipulate reports, making the other director think things were going well on the dashboard when they weren’t. Every quarter when the actual dashboard posted, this poor director was blindsided by her negative scores. This uncivil leader celebrated with her BFF when the director failed. The end result?? The director was fired and the leader who sabotaged her was eventually promoted to an executive level position. Moral – bad leaders actually get promoted!

I have witnessed leaders steal others’ work, take credit for successes that did not belong to them, and in the process, make every one miserable. I have witnessed preferential treatment at the leadership level, promotions based on favoritism, and watched as high performing leaders were terminated.

Years ago, before healthcare, I worked in a grocery store. I learned one of the most powerful and truthful lessons of leadership. B level leaders cannot tolerate A level leaders – it makes the B level leader feeling intimated and so the B will terminate the A. C level leaders struggle with the B’s and despise the A’s – and so the A/B leaders will be terminated. The win…when you actually have an A level leader at the top - because an A level leader does not feel intimidated by other A’s – they can grow the B’s, and they help the C’s figure out where they fit, even if it is not in leadership.

My standard answer when the boss is the bully, displays incivility, or is ongoing uncivil, is to polish up that resume! Then, learn to smile, show up, and do what you are supposed to do until you find a new job. Would love to hear your “uncivil/bully” boss stories.

As a leader, I want to and do believe that most leaders are trying to do their best…but have worked long enough to know that incivility is alive and well at the leadership level! Now is the time for every leader to do a serious self-evaluation and for every one-up leader to evaluate who they have put in charge! #EmployeesDeserveBetter #PatientsDeserveBetter